Dr. Goodheart's Flirting Hints
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Dr. Goodheart's Flirting Hints for Dating Success

Mr. Wrong!

We all know them, the infamous Mr. Wrong.  They're tricky, sneaky, elusive, and always, well, just plain wrong!  Appearing in many a guise, Mr. Wrong strikes relentlessly, ruthlessly, and interminably.  How many times have you managed to find him?  Better yet, how many more times are you going to continue before you finally realize - maybe it's not them, it's me.  Sure it's bound to happen, every girl dates a Mr. Wrong every once in a while.  But what about those repeat offenders?

Girls who continually date Mr. Wrongs usually do so for a reason.  Through our childhood, adolescence, and so on, all of our relationships with men pre-program our future tendencies towards who we are attracted to, choose to date, and so on.  So, if you're a repeat Mr. Wrong offender there is hope.  But before you can begin looking for Mr. Wright, you first have to learn how to spot Mr. Wrong, and why you still find yourself attracted to him.  Then, when you finally realize what attracts to you to those Mr. Wrongs, you can finally move on with a grounded perspective on dating and a clearer vision of that potential Mr. Right.  Below are some tips to help you spot the many a Mr. Wrongs lurking in the dating pool.


1) Mr. Wrong for Everyone -
We all know him.  He's the thrill seeking, egotistical, misogynistic, wannabe stud who savors all self-gratifying moments and respects no one, not even himself.  He's cocky, thinks he's macho, and pretentious as hell.  He thinks he can tell you your whole life, and the nuances of your personality within the first five minutes, and defines your worth by the size of your 'assets.'  In short, he's a complete jerk.

Where to find him: Typically Mr. Wrongs for everyone will lurk around bars, and other high profile locales where there are lots of exits, and lots of other, potential game.  He likes to keep his options open, he exits much, and commits to few.  Don't be surprised if he expects you to pick up the tab, laughs at your embarrassing moments, and avoids all use of manners in your presence.  In short, Mr. Wrong for everyone is wrong for everyone because to him, everyone's invisible.

2) Miss Wrong -
When a girl goes for a man who is already committed: marriage, long-term, short-term, whatever the stipulations of his current relationship, you're wrong.  Period.  There is simply no way that a man already committed to a relationship is ever going to be Mr. Right for you.  If they leave their current partner for you, do you really think they won't do the same with you?  And, it's proven that men who flee and or cheat from current relationships have a tendency to do the same in following relationships: 'once a cheater/leaver, always a cheater/leaver,' or so they say.

Don't be Miss Wrong - stay away from men with other women.  Simple enough.  Stay away.

3) Mr. Fixer Upper -
He's the broken puppy dog, the 'could be perfect IF', the guy that just needs the helping hand, supportive shoulder through the tough times, etc.  He has flaws, obvious ones, and yet for some reason you continue to find him endearing for them.  Instead of looking at them as endearing flaws, instead of seeing him as a Mr. Maybe, you have to look at him as Mr. Not Now.  He's not necessarily a bad person, but he is definitely not good for you right now.  You don't need to start a relationship already wanting to fix things.  And furthermore, most people don't change, at least not easily, and not that quickly.  Moreover, if you go into a relationship already wanting to change the person, that's a surefire sign that they're not the person for you.  Don't settle.  Keep looking.

Where to find him:  This one's tricky.  Be on the lookout for broken boys, exes (remember, they're exs for a reason), etc.  These are your typical everyday guy with boyish charm and boyish tendencies.  Stay strong and move on.  Remember to be flexible:  You can't pre-configure your prototype for a Mr. Right'when he comes along, that's when you know who, what, and how he is.  Until then, avoiding all guys who aren't 6'5" with bulging biceps are mechanical engineers, means potentially missing out on your Mr. Right.

4)  Mr. Aggressive -
These never last long.  They come on as strong (and quickly) as they leave.  They live and die by the motto, 'love 'em and leave 'em' and fall in and out of love with overwhelming passionate zeal.  In short, they are a 'date 'em and dump 'em' kind of man who, with his short attention span, aloof attitude, and immature persona, hasn't quite figured out what it is that they want.  In turn, it's a whirlwind of dating sprees, with many a victim left behind. Don't get caught up in these guys' webs: they're sticky, tangled, and there's a string of former victim carcasses hiding in the closet.

Where to find him:  Mr. 'I want arm candy' isn't ready for commitment.  That means you can most definitely find him at places like bars, clubs, and any and all places where he can be seen by many and all women.  Like Mr. Wrong for everyone, Mr. Aggressive likes attention, from everyone. He likes spectacles, and public places, and he loves to be the center of attention.  You don't have look closely to spot this one!

5) Mr. Addicted -
Men with ore-formed habits and addictions, prior to the relationship, are never a good choice.  If your new beau is a drinker, smoker, recreational drug explorer, etc., chances are those habits will continue into and throughout the duration of your relationship.  Like Mr. Fixer Upper, Mr. Addicted has obvious flaws, but he needs to figure them out and address them on his own.  You can be a friend, and support his self-made decision to take action.  The last thing you need to do is get romantically involved.  Doing so only opens you up for pain, and allows yourself to be disappointed when they fail time and time again to quit.  And, chances are, if you are new to his life, but his habits old, he will always go back to the latter, which will always leave the former heartbroken.

Where to find him:  Anywhere and everywhere, but bars are an easy way to spot alcoholics.  You know 'em when you see them.  They're the rowdy boys who have high tolerances, get aggressive and/or violent, angry, obnoxious when they're drunk.  People with habits tend to give in to them often and daily which means you should be able to identify those habits within the first two or three dates.  If you start to notice certain debilitating dependencies in his character then move on. 

Now that you are aware of a few of your prototypical sketches of Mr. Wrong, beware!  And, be on the lookout for potential Mr. Rights.  Hint:  they don't have to fit any of the above profiles.  Be open minded, flexible, and ready and willing to love and learn.  And, for your sake, give the nice guys a chance for once!  They really are, well, nice guys.  And, after all, don't you want Mr. Right to treat you right?  If you start looking in the right places chances are a Mr. Nice just may become your Mr. Right.