Dr.
Goodheart's Flirting Hints for Dating Success
Hangin'
On, & Lettin' Go
How
to tell if Your Man's Holding You Back - And
what to do about it...
~ It seems like we hear about it all the time
in the tabloids; men and women splitting up because of "irreconcilable
differences". From Jess and Nick, to Angelina and Billy Bob,
to Nicole Kidman and Tom Cruise, it seems everywhere woman are
splitting up and stepping out. With all three of these women
on an all-time personal and professional high: Jessica Simpson's
multiple endorsement ads, record deals, acting gigs, and rumors
of her many 'beaus'; Angelina's longstanding liaison with Hollywood
hunk and proud-foster 'papa' Brad Pitt and her multiple box
office hits and celebrity fame; Nicole Kidman's multiple Oscar
noted performances and big-league status as well as her recent
rumored nearly-nuptials with country star Keith Urban , it seems
that perhaps these woman should have stated there reasons for
separation as "oppressive partner" rather than "irreconcilable
differences". Not to say that was the case, but it is to suggest
that perhaps a little "suffocation" on behalf of their male
counterparts, and specifically their egos could have at times,
been felt to threaten the success of these "independent women."
Usually "possessive" and "jealous" types are
easy enough to spot. But sometimes that "oh so adorable adoration"
can get a little overboard without one ever noticing. That said,
your man could potentially be holding you back, whether for
selfish or good intentions. He may just be trying to protect
you, or he may be attempting to thwart your success for sake
of his own. Whatever the case, both can be damaging, to the
relationship and your mental health. Likewise, it's not always
men that are the culprits and it should be noted that generally
those "nice guys" are just as susceptible to lavishing our every
needs for sake of their own. Still it is important to objectively
reflect upon your relationship and make sure that you and your
partner are on mutual ground. That means feeling like you each
support one another and are each other's biggest fans, not biggest
buzz kills. To see if your man is possibly guilty of holding
you back from your dreams refer to the following "culpable scenarios."
CULPABLE SCENARIO 1) Passive
Pal
After accomplishing a major milestone in your personal or professional
life does your partner really participate and elevate your celebration
of success or does he merely smile and give a nonchalant "Good
for you honey" as a response? When you're in the middle of trying
to reach that goal does your partner support you in the process
or does he find ways, no matter how nonchalant, to interject
"mini-mountains" into your course of action? Chances are if
your partner's the type to invite pals over the night before
your big exam, or to accidentally forget about that big celebration
brunch you've been planning, then he's far more into his own
concerns than your own. His passive-aggressive
behavior is a sign that unless he's somehow involved or affected
by the circumstances, your concerns are simply of no concern
for him, and that is never a healthy component for
a relationship.
CULPABLE SCENARIO 2) Professional
Pessimism
Men are extremely sensitive when it comes to feeling insecure
about their 'career' status. As such, be aware that it is likely
your current 'rank' will generally be, even if subconsciously,
in comparison to his (even with supportive partners). Still,
your partner can be generally happy for you for that recent
promotion even if he's feeling a little down about his own status:
a truly supportive partner will always show genuine enthusiasm
and adoration for your professional accomplishments. Conversely, if your promotion garners obvious tension that leads to pervading
jealousy, inexplicable fights, etc., chances are your partner
is more interested in being "better than you" on a professional
level; there is an obvious lack of genuine respect and admiration
for you as a significant other. If your partner is always encouraging
you to leave work early, call in sick, brush off assignments,
and seems indifferent or even bothered by your progressive career
development, chances are he may be trying to slow down your
rate of success to either be inferior to, or equal to his own.
CULPABLE SCENARIO 3) Limelight
Leech
Is your partner the type that cuts you off in the middle of
your shining moment, be it while you're telling a joke at a
party, being complimented, or being referred to for advice?
"My boyfriend used to always cut me off mid-sentence in the
middle of a story so he could finish it, but his version was
always full of corny or lewd jokes to get a quick rise and keep
the spotlight on him. I felt invisible, and embarrassed to be
with him."-Mary, IL. If you're man is the type to always steal
the spotlight and/or redirect it back towards him and away from
you chances are he's having an insecurity fit. A lot of men
simply can't handle being outdone; by female or male, and their
competitive nature can make them subconsciously overtly competitive.
Still, a respectful partner will allow you to shine in your
moment and supportively hold your hand the whole way through.
Anyone who does otherwise may simply not be ready for a true
commitment. Supportive partners always try to include, not
exclude you from the action, spotlight or no.
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