Dr.
Goodheart's Flirting Hints for Dating Success
Bonding
101 for Beaus and Belles
5
pointers on how to keep that "next" stage of the relationship
fun and flirty
~ Things change; just like the seasons, your
hair color, and the latest fashions, so too does the romantic
rollercoaster of a relationship provide a couple with everlasting
changes and evolutions. Often with change comes an intermediate
stage of being lost and bored. Most couples tend to find that
their so called "spark" dies out early in the relationship;
the "honeymoon" stage has ended; they've officially become the
"BORING" couple. Granted there comes a day when, if the relationship
seems solidly secure, to take the next step. And true, often
that formidable "next step" brings with a wave of new challenges
and complications; leaving behind the fun and flirtatious novel
flippancy of your early lovebird days in its shadow. Still,
when the first flicker of the flame begins to wither, it doesn't
mean its time to hit the road and go in searching of new and
better options. Rather, it means its time for a new perspective:
one that helps you reignite the flame and keep it burning all
the years thereafter.
That doesn't mean that serious couples can't
and shouldn't have fun too. In fact,one of the best ways to
boost passion is to simultaneously boost the "fun factor"
in a relationship. It's even more important for those long-standing
duos to reignite those old passions and/or keep the embers burning
before boredom, stress, and other environmental factors snuff
the flame for you, and believe me, they can and will. So if
you're one of those couples that seems to be either moving quickly
into land-o-boredom, or think you're ready for the next step
but are terrified by the challenging prospects it entails, here
are 5 helpful tips to help you connect with your partner on
a fundamentally fun, alebit intimate way.
Bonding Boost 1) Go
Solo
No, I'm not being counter-intuitive. By solo I mean that covetous
prospect, "alone time." Ah yes, after a long stressful day at
work, a hectic weekend-long friendly fiesta, or a week of tending
to the endless needs of the kiddies, it's likely you and your
partner (be you single, married, parents or otherwise) are overdue
for a little intimate R&R. It's imperative to find a way to
work in small chunks of 1-on-1 intimate alone time into your schedule,
ideally every day, realistically every week, to keep things aflame.
Some great activities that are purely intimate and perfect
for boosting bonding are also some of the simplest, like a
nightly 15 minute walk: tale time to smell the fresh air and listen
to the sounds of the city preparing for bed. If the "night" is
too cold or not a becoming prospect, try afternoon strolls, or
sunset saunters, these are also great moments to bond, reflect
on each other's day, and just enjoy the intimate privacy of each
other's company.
BONUS: Its bonding time and exercise all rolled into one. Who
knows? You may even drop a few pounds over the course of a month's
worth of occasional "midnight strolls.
OTHER ALTERNATIVES: Try incorporating one of these other activities
into your schedule at least once a week or so. They can be as
long or as short (no less than 15 minutes please; you are going
for intimacy here): enjoy taking a hot bubble bath together, reminisce
over old photos, or rent your favorite movie and watch it cuddled
up, cocoa in hand, alone.
Bonding Boost 2) Genie
in a Partner
Get a little risky and bring back the intimacy with a creative
twist - i.e. complete subservience to your partner. Play "genie"
and grant your partner the opportunity for three of their most
hidden and desirable intimate wishes: chances are there are more
than a few hidden wants remaining to be discovered about your
partner, no matter how healthy, intimate, or longstanding your
relationship. Now's the opportunity to release those desires and,
by playing servant, it's a great way to create a romantic mood
that will lead to your partner's willingness to return the favor.
Try playing your "genie" game once every other week or so; granting
your partner 3 wishes that can be as simple as you're preparing
them a hot bath with a cocktail awaiting, to a hot oil massage,
to something a little more risky between the sheet. No matter
the wish, this is a great way to unlock those floodgates and provoke
and honest, intimate relationship that comfortably explores one
another's mind, body, and soul. |
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BONUS: You're bonding time just took care of your, just as important,
"intimacy checklist" as well-you do have an intimacy checklist,
albeit a mentally noted one, right? |
Bonding Boost 3) Play
House
Not in the way you played when you were a little kid. Instead,
if you and partner are getting ready to take the next step into
"serious couples" land then there's no better activity to spur
the excitement that to go "dream house" hunting. Sure the houses
will be out of price range and unrealistically fantastic, but
that's the whole point.
In sharing each other's likes and dislikes about your architectural
styles you help reveal to each other exactly what type of home,
more modestly of course, would be your perfectly humble abode
when the time arrives to make that important purchase. Gawk at
the mansions, linger over the cute English country tutors and
Mediterranean villas and share with each other your dream vision.
This way you establish immediately a new level of compatibility
without incurring the major price tag that comes with it; that's
for later. Also, the activity may help create a vision of a
possible schematic for an entire lifestyle. Who knows? Talking
tutor houses may get you on conversations about kids, owning horses,
dream vacations, etc. The limits are endless with the imagination-
feel free to indulge in such fantasies with the most important
person in your life, your partner!
Bonding Boost 4) Homebound
"TV Land"
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We've all watched them. From the good, the bad, and the ugly,
today's TV channels offer a slew of dating and flirting game shows
from newlywed series to the infamous "Blind Date" etc. Find inspiration
in the more "intimacy-geared" games and contrive your own version
of a couple's game show to be staged at home with you and your
partner, and several of your couple friends (no more than one
to two other couples to keep things intimate). Devise a standard
set of questions (say 10 or so) and then split the couples up
so that one partner answers questions pertaining to the other,
and vice versa. Then, bring the couples together and share your
answers. It will be a fun and festive way to discover just how
well you know your partner while inviting your coupled friends
to do the same. |
BONUS: Work in prizes for the winning couple like a gift certificate
for 2 to a spa, coffee shop, or other intimate location where
you can continue your intimate hiatus. Or, for more economically
efficient couples, offer a candy bar to the winning duo. You can
make the game as large-scale or intimate, as lavish or as thrifty
as you like - the key here is the intimacy, the gifts are
simply there for "grins and giggles," so to speak. |
Bonding Boost 5) Rarified
Rituals
Humans are creatures of habit, and though some of us prefer more
spontaneity than others, still, chances are that we still require
some sort of routine to our lives, even if it is only the morning
self-prep ritual. Take this "patterned" behavior and apply it
to your relationship but in such a way as to keep the habit from
losing its panache. Suggestions: starting this week, choose a
day and a time where you will, every week, come together with
your partner and discuss the one thing you're most thankful, grateful
for in your partner. Or, if you both love a certain book try making
time every week to read passages from it for 15 minutes or so,
or watch a sunset at the beach once a week if you're beach lovers,
or if you have a favorite ice cream parlor try making a ritual
(maybe every other week with rituals like this) of going there
and ordering your favorite flavor, or do the same with a coffee
shop.
These little nuances are important in keeping a relationship
intimate while stable. They promotes honesty, progression,
and familiarity in the relationship and assist the relationships
forward focus: rituals give you and your partner something
to look forward to. You should be excited to partake in the rituals
every week or so, not dreading them. Be inventive, creative, open,
and true to you and your partner's likes and chances are you'll
find you can start incorporating several routine activities into
your weekly schedule with ease.
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