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Dr. Goodheart's Flirting Hints for Dating Success

Why Men's Biological Make-up Makes Them Do The Things They Do!

"It's all about the medulla oblongata..."

~Ladies, have you ever noticed how you often sit and stare at your partner thinking, "Where on earth did that guy I'm married to/dating go?" Well, you wouldn't be the first female, or the last for that matter, to ponder the obviously "eccentric eccentricities" (if you will) of the male specimen.

In fact there are very good, alas, "scientific" reasons why men often do the inexplicable things that they do. Below are just a few clarifications on some of men's most odd, and often perturbing behavior that have been the center of many relationship complaints for years on end, (more than likely) to come. Hopefully, by exposing men's innocence to their own "crimes" via this article, us females can come to better understand and appreciate our men as they are - quirks and all... The mystery's solved: logically enough, it's all in the genes.


We've all been there before: Man goes to TV. Man turns on TV. Woman disappears.



To help clarify the scientific reasoning behind women's sudden invisibility factor is Daniel G. Amen, MD, who argues that it is a fact that women generally have better hearing than men. As such, Dr. Amen says men will unconsciously tune out external auditory input to focus on the action and auditory sequences emitted from the tube. Moreover, Dr. Amen explains that men are usually not as efficient at multi-tasking, and have trouble alternating and/or multi-tasking their focus as is a direct effect of the smaller size of their corpus callosums (the part of the brain that connects the left and right halves). So if it appears that when you are trying to talk to your man and he's simply ignoring you, in a way he really is, but only unintentionally.

The next time you want his attention simply hit the mute button, the off-key, or make sure to distinguish your auditory pitch from the TV volume to garner his direct attention (read: raise the level or "pitch" of your voice). I promise, even if only temporarily, he'll pull out of fantasy football land and listen to what you have to say.

Perturbing Quirk 2: "FRIENDLY" COMPETITION

Sure, it's generally a good thing when a guy is competitive. It mean's he's driven, has goals, intends on going somewhere, etc. But what happens when you two settle down and suddenly you find yourself feeling as if living with your guys is like living a real-life showdown between the Steelers and Seahawks and he's determined to take home the Super Bowl title?

Often guys feel the need for competition, even with their female partners. The culprit: testosterone. Apparently increased levels of the infamous hormone directly result in a man's continuous need for a competitive environment where they're the victor- so no, it's not necessarily just "little man's syndrome."

One way to turn his competitive streak into a streamlined wave of self-advantage is to find ways to use his competitive nature to help you out with upcoming difficult tasks. Say you two are cleaning house, get him to not only actually participate but clean more than you by wagering a contest: "I bet I can clean more of the house than you can." Sure it may seem trivial (juvenile even), but the friendly competition can work to your advantage and help you and your man maintain a healthy, stable, and progressive relationship that is still young at heart, and action. Which leads us right into perturbing quirk number three.

Perturbing Quirk 3: BAD TEAM BLUES

Every guy has his favorite team - be it football, soccer, basketball, baseball, or otherwise. But why does it seem that whenever his team loses it's a reenactment of the apocalypse? Seriously, even the minor games (as in pre-season, etc.) when lost by your guy's team seems to send him into a multi-hour, if not day, depression.

The truth of the matter is, in a way, your guy is not overreacting that much - your man really IS feeling depressed. Anthropologist Helen Fisher explains that all this "jock drama" is a direct result of the opposite effect of the above quirk. Rather than experiencing an increase in testosterone, when a guy's team loses he will experience a decrease in testosterone. Such a reaction is associated with side effects such as lethargy, sadness, and even mild bouts of depression (read: MILD). So when your beau's team really bites the big one, his suddenly altered mood isn't a simple encroachment of clouds overhead. Rather, your man is actually suffering on a chemical level.

To help lift him out of his moody blues moments, however, you can opt for activities that increase the "feel-good" hormone, oxytocin. To be frank, the most efficient and quickest way to do so is copulation (SEX). There are, however, other ways to raise oxytocin levels, but you just need to poke at your man to see just how "up" he is to try to lift his spirits.

Perturbing Quirk 4: THE FORGETFUL FACTOR

This one may actually not be so perturbing once we ladies understand the biochemical reasons why men seem so apt to forget everything we say and ask of them.

According to Fisher, women become excited the "memory regions" of their brain become more active, whereas for men the exact opposite reaction occurs. Upon excitement or pleasant stimulus, a man's memory goes bezerk. When a man is falling head over heels, or is totally into you and the moment, rather than his memory regions being triggered, his visual centers operate on full-speed. So whereas you're absorbing the moment via storing every single verbal nuance in the crevices of your memory bank, your man is reciprocating your romantic feelings another way: he's taken you in, all of you, on a wholly visual level.

So the next time you decide to test your man on the last five minutes of your conversation don't be too upset when he draws a blank. In fact, you should be flattered. he was too busy focusing on you, visual or no, to hear what you had to say (remember that multi-tasking problem we addressed earlier?). Even though it may seem your man is constantly going blank, in actuality, he's just forming a lasting impression of his "it" girl. The details are there, just not your words.

And LAST, but definitely not least...


Perturbing Quirk 5: ONE-HEADED MAN

Picking up right where we left off, it seems a man's anatomy is, if not simple, uni-form. As in our above example, when a man gets excited and suddenly spaces on the "hearing thing" because he is too busy visually observing the encounter, his excitement also triggers another region- yup!, the one down south - which tends to cloud the rest of his brain activity.

According to ob-gyn, Dr. Normal Fertel, men really can only think with one "head" at a time. Linking visual sensory perception to chemical biological reactions, Dr. Fertel explains that after a man has finished "visually" checking you out, if there's even the possibility for an erection, your man experiences an immediate chemical reaction which triggers a particular mind-set: sex. To clarify, when arousal is triggered, particular chemicals in the brain slip your man into sex mode making it unbelievably difficult for him to pay attention to any other motive other than that primitive pleasure. The next time your man suddenly spaces on you, or just seems "elsewhere" with his thoughts, you now know where to look for answers.