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Dr. Goodheart's Flirting Hints
Flirting Index * Dr. Goodheart's Index
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Dr. Goodheart's Flirting Hints for Dating Success

Sizing Him Up:
Examine Your Man’s Nature, Sans the Grill-Fest

~ You've just met, it lust at first sight and, as far as you can tell, all is currently copasetic. Then you're man does something that seems out of character and suddenly you find yourself asking, "Who is this guy? Who am I really dating?"

You're not alone in your moment of potential contemplation. In fact most often couples that find their friends remarking "if it's too good to be true." come to a realization, sooner or later, that there was something astute in their friends' observations. Still, that doesn't mean that is has to be too good, that it has to come to an end, and yet, that doesn't aid in easing your worries. So, inquiring minds want to know you say. Well now you can play sleuth without actually grilling your man with a face-to-face inquiry via investigating the following scenarios. Often there is much to be learned from a man's behaviorisms and preferences such as social gathering spots.

font size="4">Monetary Musings

Does your man always pay by credit, cash, debit, or a bit of both? Generally credit men crave status and usually have long term goals with which their credit, in good-standing, is used to finance and obtain such goals. Though this may be indicative of financial success it may also mean he's spending beyond his means. Still, generally credit-men are interested in long term financial stability and success. Men who always pay with cash generally are independent and self-sufficient. They don't like to spend beyond their means but at the same time are always able to afford their lifestyle.

Men however, whose wallets are always wanting money, either green or plastic, well, need I say more?

Party Panache

Sure humans are social beings, and as such, like to engage in a good fiesta every once in awhile. The key word here is once in awhile. If you're man is one that is always up for the ritual weekend bash wherein he immerses himself in copious amounts of intoxicating barley he may not be quite ready to settle down for a serious relationship; think potential play boy or fun-loving flirt; though that isn't to say that he can't be loyal.

Still, a good dose of social engagement is better than preferring continual hermitage. If you're guy is constantly preferring to stay at home, against your occasional desires to pub hop or dine-and-date, then chances are you're looking at an uptight anti-social partner which, pending your desires to remain entirely immersed in the company of your partner, could mean potential trouble for the relationship ahead.

Filial Rank

Is you're man the eldest, youngest, middle child? Is he an only child? Family dynamics are huge in affecting the character of the children. In relation to your man, generally the eldest child is the responsible one; as the baby of the family he's likely to be more rebellious and or risky than an elder sibling; the middle man of course generally gets lost between the demands of the responsible eldest and the over-loaded attention of the baby, and as such will need a lot of love and affection to nurture his potentially, though unintentionally, needy soul.

If he's a single child chances are there may be potential for selfishness. Generally single children rely on themselves and while independence is always a valued trait, so too does he risk being self-motivated because of his independence and as such may unintentionally ignore your desires and concerns. Though this can be frustrating, it can be amended. Just keep a lookout for stereotypical character traits and, once identified, you can then discern the best course of action.

PDA or No?

Though you may not want your man falling all over you in public, still, if he's not shy of being publicly affectionate at any level of extremity it's a sign of his security in the match and in you as a complementary partner for him. Guy's are hugely concerned with their self-image as perceived by the public, specifically friends and family. If your guy is even so much as eager to act affectionately with you in front of their company it's an even more positive sign that he is completely assured of the relationship.

Conversely, if your man is constantly shying away from affectionate acts in public than he is either unsure of your relationship, or of himself. In other words, he may not be comfortable enough yet with either his feelings for you, or he may be weary of the stability of your feelings towards him. The only way to know whether or not he's on shaky ground is to continually try to initiate PDA's, on a PG level of course, and judge his reactions. Chances are, in time, he will reveal the nature of his discomfort.

His "Posse"

Is your guy the type to jump from friend to friend, from group to group without a care of those that came before? A guy who has a stable set of friends that he constantly turns to in times of crisis, triumph, and contemplation is implicit that he is a firm believer and promoter of loyalty. This type of guy is one that you can generally always rest assured will stand by your side, through thick and thin. Still, his penchant for holding on to the same friends also implies that he may be averse, on some level, to change. As such, if there are any really big "hang-ups" with his character, be prepared to find yourself frustrated in attempts to amend the imperfections. Moreover, loyal guys, though more than willing to stand faithfully at your side, are in no hurry to do so until they've earned your trust; which may take longer than one would like or expect. What's more, a man with a diverse set of friends; i.e. different groups related to different interests, then its likely he will be more than willing to engage and make friends with your diverse posse. A social man is generally not averse to adding to the pot- "make new but keep the old" may be his adage just expect it to take time before the "new", including yourself, are officially initiated into his close circle.

Closet 101

Does your guy prefer you in a comfy pair of sweats or jeans and a simple tee shirt or is he pressuring you to don the latest and greatest in club-hopping skimpy wear? Still some guys prefer the slick and sophisticated clothing of the professional world while others prefer simple sundresses and cotton-based duds. Those that prefer the professional garb are highly motivated and intent on success, which means your appearance is attached to his opinion of his reputation. He may care for and respect you, but there is a chance his career may occasionally interfere with your comfy-factor. If he wants you dolled up he wants success and prestige in his life. If he likes you casually dressed then he's laid-back and earthy and more than willing to let you be yourself. Still, those who want you in skimpy clothing and striving for plastic perfection are looking to don you as "arm candy" and, coincidentally a self-indulgent ego-boost. If he places primary dependence on your looks, specifically your looks as cosmopolitan couture, then chances are you may need to look elsewhere for a more sincerely motivated man.

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