VIRUS
ALERT GUIDE
Lorena Bobbit Virus - turns your hard disk
into a 3.5 inch floppy.
Woody Allen Virus - bypasses the motherboard
and turns on a daughter card.
Tonya Harding Virus - turns your .BAT files
into lethal weapons.
Paul Revere Virus - warns of an impending
virus infection: 1 if by LAN, 2 if by C:\.
Hillary Rodham Clinton Virus - instantly turns
1K of disk space into 1 Meg.
Joey Buttafuaco Virus - only attacks minor
files.
Michael Jackson Virus - preys on child processes.
Jane Fonda Virus - attacks your hard drive's
FAT.
Oprah Winfrey virus- Your 200MB hard drive
suddenly shrinks to 80MB, and then slowly expands
to 300MB.
AT&T Virus - Every three minutes it tells
you what great service you are getting.
MCI Virus - Every three minutes it reminds
you that you're paying too much for the AT&T virus.
Politically Correct Virus - Never calls itself
a "virus," but instead refers to itself
as an "electronic microorganism."
Ross Perot Virus - Activates every component
in your system, just before the whole darn thing quits.
Arnold Schwarzenegger Virus - Terminates and
stays resident. It'll be back.
Government Economist Virus - Nothing works,
but all your diagnostic software says everything is
fine.
Federal Bureaucrat Virus - does practically
nothing, but all of which claim to be the most important
part of your computer.
Adam and Eve Virus - Takes a couple of bytes
out of your Apple computer.
Congressional Virus #1 - The computer locks
up, screen splits erratically with a message appearing
on each half blaming the other side for the problem.
Congressional Virus #2 - Runs every program
on the hard drive simultaneously but doesn't allow
the user to accomplish anything.
Airline Virus - You're in Dallas, but your
data is in Singapore.
Freudian Virus - Your computer becomes obsessed
with its own motherboard. Or becomes very jealous
of the size of your friend's hard drive.
PBS Virus - Your computer stops every few
minutes to ask for money.
Jimmy Hoffa Virus - Your programs can never
be found again.
LAPD Virus - It claims it feels threatened
by the other files on your PC and erases them in "self-defense."
O.J. Virus - It claims that it did not, could
not and would not delete two of your files and vows
to find the virus that did it. |