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FLIRTING.COM - Flirting Jokes (pg 3 of 3)

My wife and I can't come to the phone right now, but if you'll leave your
name and number, we'll get back to you as soon as we're
finished.
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A is for academics, B is for beer. One of those reasons is why we're not
here. So leave a message.
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Hi. This is John. If you are the phone company, I already sent the money.
If you are my parents, please send money. If you are my
financial aid institution, you didn't lend me enough money. If you are my
friends, you owe me money. If you are a female, don't worry, I have plenty
of money.
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Hi. Now you say something.
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Hi, I'm not home right now but my answering machine is, so you can talk to
it instead. Wait for the beep.
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Hello. I am David's answering machine. What are you?
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(From a Japanese man in Toronto:) He-ro ! This is Sato. If you leave
message, I call you soon. If you leave sexy message, I call
sooner!
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Hi! John's answering machine is broken. This is his refrigerator. Please
speak slowly, and I'll stick your message to myself with one of
these magnets.
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Hello, this is Sally's microwave. Her answering machine just eloped with
her tape deck, so I'm stuck taking her calls. Say, If you want
anything cooked while you leave your message, just hold it up to the phone.
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Hello, you are talking to a machine. I am capable of receiving messages.
My owners do not need siding, windows, or a hot tub, and their carpets are
clean. They give to charity through their office and do not need their
picture taken. If you're still with me, leave your name and number and
they will get back to you.
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This is not a answering machine -- this is a telepathic thought-recording
device. After the tone, think about your name, your reason for
calling and a number where I can reach you, and I'll think about returning
your call.
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Hi. I am probably home. I'm just avoiding someone I don't like. Leave me
a message, and if I don't call back, it's you.
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Hi, this is George. I'm sorry I can't answer the phone right now. Leave a
message, and then wait by your phone until I call you back.
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If you are a burglar, then we're probably at home cleaning our weapons right
now and can't come to the phone. Otherwise, we probably
aren't home and it's safe to leave us a message.
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You're growing tired. Your eyelids are getting heavy. You feel very sleepy
now. You are gradually losing your willpower and your ability to
resist suggestions. When you hear the tone you will feel helplessly
compelled to leave your name, number and a message.
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Please leave a message. However, you have the right to remain silent.
Everything you say will be recorded and will be used by us.
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Hello, you've reached Jim and Sonya. We can't pick up the phone right now,
because we're doing something we really enjoy. Sonya likes doing it up and
down, and I like doing it left to right ... real slowly. So leave a
message, and when we're done brushing our teeth we'll get back to you.