Flirting Tip #1: Break the
Sure it may seem cliché, too obvious, but the truth
is (as with the rest of these tips), generally if it's a cliché, it
works. There's a reason things become cliché, and that is usually
the "true" factor. So, logically when one meets a woman they are interested
in, they first need to make contact. But you don't want to be abrupt,
alarming, or any of those other pejorative words used to describe
the initially pejorative reaction of a disinterested woman. Instead,
you want to slowly steer your boat due North, working patiently, methodically
(albeit genuinely) through any type of rough waters (read here, a
woman's guard) and help make that first introduction a successfully
friendly and interesting one.
But how exactly do you break the ice
you ask? Below is a list of frequent misconceptions of successful
ways to break the ice, followed by a few realistic and proven successful
"breaking the ice" methodologies.
Breaking the Ice No-No's
Cheap come-on lines and other one-liners
Example: "Hey do you mind if I borrow a quarter?
My mother told me to call when I saw an angel, and looking at you,
well its time to make that phone call."
Says -Pushy, egotistical, self-interested attitude.
Example: "Hey gorgeous, feeling lucky, because
I'm the man you need."
Says-Unconfident, and scared of your own shadow.
Example- Anything bordering on "Stuttering Stanley."
Says-A guy who can't even say hello without stammering
five times is likely to scare a woman off on first impressions.
You don't want to be Joe-Cool, but you don't want to
fall all over yourself either. She can't seem like the first girl
you're hitting on. Generally, rookies are only "cute" up to a certain
Breaking the Ice the right
Assertive Friendliness = eye contact+smile+approach+introduction
First and foremost make eye contact. Smile, and gauge
her response. If it seems positive, continue holding eye contact and
walk up prepared to shake her hand and introduce yourself. "Hi, I'm
so-and-so, nice to meet you." Let your instinct do the rest.
Tip #2: The Trust Factor
After you've established an introduction its essential
to maintain conversation on a friendly, non-formidable level. You
don't want your next potential date thinking you're a weirdo, something,
or someone you're not (i.e. don't be self-ingratiating). You need
to establish a rapport, and with that rapport, trust. There's a reason
you met this woman at this certain locale, on some fundamental level,
no matter how small, there's a similarity between you two that brought
you to the same place. Work on divulging the connections between you
two that led to this serendipitous occasion and go from there. If
she sees you're generally trying to understand commonalities between
you two, she's much more likely to trust you rather than if you simply
comment on how "hot", stunning, attractive or otherwise that she looks
all night long. Show a general interest in her, and how and why she's
interesting to you and you're on you're way to smooth sailing.
Flirting Tip #3: Get Physical
No I don't mean go ahead and grope her in public. First
and foremost, you'll scare her away. What I do mean to suggest is
that after you've established a fundamental rapport and trust, (i.e.
you each feel that there's a certain "connection"), solidify that
implication by making a subtle physical gesture. This could be something
as simple as putting your hand on her arm or shoulder (no not her
thigh!), when emphasizing a point or a commonality between you two.
The touch asserts and confirms that commonality by establishing a
physical link or connection that mirrors the other links between you
two. Remember to start slow and simple. You don't want to ruin all
your hard work by suddenly patting her on the shoulder or head every
five seconds; we're back to weirdo factor. Start with one simple physical
suggestion, gauge her reaction, and move on from there. Remember also
to keep in mind that women who are more prone to "personal space"
may not be as responsive or inviting of such advances, but that doesn't
mean they're not interested. It could mean that they are just have
either 1) trust issues 2) higher walls 3) a sense of claustrophobia,
and thus an endearment for personal space or 4) a little of all. Keep
talking and finding out where her actual boundaries, physical and
psychological, are so that you can proceed with caution, but successfully
Flirting Tip #4: Platonic Plague
On a fundamental level women have a tendency to classify
men on one of two levels: friends, or lovers. Generally the friend
never gets to become the lover, save for the slim possibility many
years down the line. If you've witnessed "friendships" going from
platonic to intimate faster than the speed of light its not because
the girl decided to take her friendship to the next level with some
guy, its because she was ALWAYS interested in him from the first place,
and she simply used the guise of a friendship to mask her feelings
while allowing herself personal access into his life until he makes
the first move.
eye-contact once again to your advantage. Holding gazes, particularly
intent ones sends the message "I'm interested" and not, "let's be
friends." If she meets your gaze and responds with equally flattering
physical compliments then you're on the right track. Bottom line:
you want her to know that you think she's attractive and you want
her to think the same of you.
Flirting Intimacy#5: Initiate
You've made eye contact, introduced yourself, established
a rapport, got emotional, complimented and sent physical and verbal
signals that YOU'RE INTERESTED. What next? It's time, providing she
has been positively responsive with all of these scenarios, to take
initiative and get intimate. This move shouldn't however, be put into
use until at least several hours of "getting to know each other" milieu
is under way and decorum says its apropos to offer something like
a good-night kiss, but nothing more. Still a kiss is more assertive
than a hug, one needs to gauge where they think their female prospect
lay. Will she be comfortable with a kiss-on the mouth, or on the cheek?
Will she prefer a hug, or will she find the hug disappointing and
implicit of "friendship?" The best way to do things is to slowly
make a move and see her reaction. If she sees you coming in and darts
the motive, don't be entirely deflated, she may be the goody-type.
That's ok. You're just going to have understand you're working with
different boundaries. However, if she reciprocates your advances,
keep things soft and subtle, teasing-like, so as not to reveal too
much on the first impression. A soft kiss at the nape of her neck,
or brushing across her cheek towards her ear says more than friendship
without being too assertive. All the same, remember, flirting is as
much a game as a technique, and as such, requires that you make sure
you're victorious by having her wanting more by the end of the night.