With Disaster Stories - Flirting.com pg 5 (next
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Jason from Poncha Springs,
Colorado, claims he is an excellent flirt, but he is horribly
mistaken in that regards and suffers from a delusion of flirting
"I got the moves that drive the ladies wild," Jason
said as his enormous beer gut cast his feet in shadow.
Space considerations prevent us from listing all his flirting
transgressions such as the tight shirt, dick do disease (when
your belly hangs out further than your dick do), crazy hair,
porno moustache… and the list goes on from there. There
really is not much hope for this dweeb. He needs a total flirting
Carl is a public health process
improvement consultant in Atlanta, Georgia. He claims he is a good
flirt but fails when it comes to puckering up and delivering
a smooch. He claims he comes off like he is kissing a creature
from one of his favorite sci-fi shows. He is not sure why.
"I do well," he told us, "but, when I go
to give a kiss, it looks like it is the farthest thing I want
to do with her. They see this and don't like it. It ruins
my flirting chances."
Carl needs to practice his pucker. He is advised to visit the
mirror and exercise those lips. Also, he can watch how movie
stars kiss on the silver screen. So log into your NetFlix.com
account and queue up anything in the Romance category. Don't
worry, they won't run out of Star Trek DVDs and you will be
thankful you no longer look like Spock kissing a Klingon.
Lilly Pop, as she calls herself,
is addicted to the dance club scene in Miami Beach, Florida. She
claims she is one of the best when it comes to moving her booty
around. She says it drops men like old buildings with a wrecking
ball. She calls it her "wrecking booty." Her problem
is she doesn’t know how to turn off that booty.
"Most men are pleased if our flirting escalates into
a first date," she said. "However, when they take
me out to eat and I start grinding with the waiter, well, then
they have a problem… I don't know what to do. I
am a slave to my booty."
Lilly Pop is best advised to tame that booty. Yes, it is quite
an asset (no pun intended) to have in the bohemia environment
of South Beach, but if you are looking for your flirting to
land you a relationship lasting longer than a Top 40 single,
then you best know how to be a lady too. Grind with your eyes,
when he is not looking, if you must. But, don’t move the
booty when you have a man already attached to it.
John, a manger of computer
hardware professionals in Riverside, California, is a notoriously
poor flirt. He claims it is because he is always pissed off
at the world or emotionally over-reactive when it comes to flirting.
"Everybody tries to tell me to lighten up and it is okay
to flirt," he said, despite being married. "I was
told it might help with my dour mood, so my shrink told me to
try flirting…. My wife is at her wits end anyhow. She
is all for it."
He claims he has been hounded by his coworkers ever since "some
asshole at CoverUps.com did a special profile on his anger."
When it comes to flirting learn to see the world half-full
and not half-empty. A good technique is sit down and list 10
things you are happy about in your life (or could be happy about).
You will be amazed at how this simple technique will help improve
your outlook on life as well as your flirting.
Sheila, from Iroquois Falls, Ontario, Canada,
is an occupational health specialist and admittedly has a problem
with anger. Often times, she will beat a man senseless with
one of her shoes if she feels he is not responding to her flirting
as she desires.
“I kind of turn into Super Bitch if I don't get
what I want, when I want it,” Sheila said to Flirting.com.
“I could sure use some pointers. Maybe it’s Canadian
Rage is never good when flirting and if you are the type that
flies off the handle at the slightest provocation, then we best
advise you to seek out a class on anger management. Who knows,
maybe there you can flirt with like-minded people and beat the
shit out of each other at the first sign of trouble. Then again,
maybe it is Canadian men.
Camilla is a trade support
analyst with Smith Barney in New York City. She has reaped a
windfall recently with her investment portfolio. She claims
to be worth over 45 million dead presidents. Suddenly, with
her newfound wealth, she finds it hard to flirt with men. She
is not sure why.
"Maybe they are uncomfortable being around such a successful
woman," she guessed. "They might be intimidated
by all my money or it makes them feel less than a man….
I don't know."
We know. Flirting is hardly about dollars and cents. Camilla
is the type that makes sure the man she is flirting with knows
exactly how much more loot she got than he. Men are unresponsive
not because they are intimated, but because it is very off-putting
to flaunt and flash wealth. In fact, it belies a poverty mentality
that surely is not conducive to good flirting.
Harry from Lyman, Utah is dead. Consequently,
he has a lot of trouble flirting since the only thing left of
him is a skull and a surprisingly good set of porcelain white
teeth, the result of a lifetime of good oral maintenance.
You cannot flirt if you are dead. So, if you are one of the
walking wounded steadily counting down the hours to your ultimate
demise, you are missing the wide wonderful world of flirting.
Remember nobody goes to the grave wishing he or she had worked
You are not dead yet. As we like to say Carpe flirt, which
roughly translates to “Seize the Flirt.”
Othello is an engineer in Cranberry,
Pennsylvania, who makes mine safety appliances such as gas masks and oxygen
tank systems. According to Othello, he has a notorious time
flirting with women primarily because he believes they are all
covered with germs.
“I love women and I wish I could flirt well enough to
get a relationship going,” Othello confided to Flirting.com,
“But, man, who knows where those lips have been. Ah…”
Othello needs to experience life outside his “Bio-bubble”
and realize that to some degree, we are all germs–that
is forms of life made of DNA and all that stuff we never learned
in chemistry class. Flirting is not about sterilizing fun, rather
making fun contagious. Othello needs to buy some hand cleaner
and go flirt.
Kenny is a truck driver in Youngstown, OH. He is looking
for a ‘book smart’ gal who is perhaps interested
in obtaining her master’s degree. He never even
made it out of the tenth grade. He simply likes the idea
of calling “some chick a master.”
“I am into that kind of domination,” he told Flirting.com.
Well, he should lower his standards a bit and start somewhere
where he might have more in common with the women he flirts
with – like at the circus.
Brenda in Boston gets a little too worked up when she goes out on a date.
Compounding her problem is the Hubble
Space Telescope she wears on her eyes.
“I never have luck meeting a nice guy,” she told Flirting.com.
“The last date I was on, I dropped my glasses and the
guy shouted ‘Hey, the Russians shot down the Hubble.’
That really hurt my feelings.”
The Russians shot down the Hubble! Is she serious?
Paula from Allentown loves
a guy that likes to bowl. However, it doesn’t end
at the lane. She carries her bowling ball around with her everywhere
she goes and does not sleep without it.
“My bowling ball is like one of the all-seeing orbs from
the "Lord Of The Rings" movies. I will not go anywhere without it.”
Then she will not go anywhere flirting. Did her ball
tell her that?
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