Flirting With Disaster
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Flirting With Disaster Stories - pg 5 (next page)
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Jason from Poncha Springs, Colorado, claims he is an excellent flirt, but he is horribly mistaken in that regards and suffers from a delusion of flirting grandeur.

"I got the moves that drive the ladies wild," Jason said as his enormous beer gut cast his feet in shadow.

Space considerations prevent us from listing all his flirting transgressions such as the tight shirt, dick do disease (when your belly hangs out further than your dick do), crazy hair, porno moustache… and the list goes on from there. There really is not much hope for this dweeb. He needs a total flirting overhaul.

Carl is a public health process improvement consultant in Atlanta, Georgia. He claims he is a good flirt but fails when it comes to puckering up and delivering a smooch. He claims he comes off like he is kissing a creature from one of his favorite sci-fi shows. He is not sure why.

"I do well," he told us, "but, when I go to give a kiss, it looks like it is the farthest thing I want to do with her. They see this and don't like it. It ruins my flirting chances."

Carl needs to practice his pucker. He is advised to visit the mirror and exercise those lips. Also, he can watch how movie stars kiss on the silver screen. So log into your account and queue up anything in the Romance category. Don't worry, they won't run out of Star Trek DVDs and you will be thankful you no longer look like Spock kissing a Klingon.



Lilly Pop, as she calls herself, is addicted to the dance club scene in Miami Beach, Florida. She claims she is one of the best when it comes to moving her booty around. She says it drops men like old buildings with a wrecking ball. She calls it her "wrecking booty." Her problem is she doesn’t know how to turn off that booty.

"Most men are pleased if our flirting escalates into a first date," she said. "However, when they take me out to eat and I start grinding with the waiter, well, then they have a problem… I don't know what to do. I am a slave to my booty."

Lilly Pop is best advised to tame that booty. Yes, it is quite an asset (no pun intended) to have in the bohemia environment of South Beach, but if you are looking for your flirting to land you a relationship lasting longer than a Top 40 single, then you best know how to be a lady too. Grind with your eyes, when he is not looking, if you must. But, don’t move the booty when you have a man already attached to it.

John, a manger of computer hardware professionals in Riverside, California, is a notoriously poor flirt. He claims it is because he is always pissed off at the world or emotionally over-reactive when it comes to flirting.

"Everybody tries to tell me to lighten up and it is okay to flirt," he said, despite being married. "I was told it might help with my dour mood, so my shrink told me to try flirting…. My wife is at her wits end anyhow. She is all for it."

He claims he has been hounded by his coworkers ever since "some asshole at did a special profile on his anger."

When it comes to flirting learn to see the world half-full and not half-empty. A good technique is sit down and list 10 things you are happy about in your life (or could be happy about). You will be amazed at how this simple technique will help improve your outlook on life as well as your flirting.



Sheila, from Iroquois Falls, Ontario, Canada, is an occupational health specialist and admittedly has a problem with anger. Often times, she will beat a man senseless with one of her shoes if she feels he is not responding to her flirting as she desires.

“I kind of turn into Super Bitch if I don't get what I want, when I want it,” Sheila said to “I could sure use some pointers. Maybe it’s Canadian men?”

Rage is never good when flirting and if you are the type that flies off the handle at the slightest provocation, then we best advise you to seek out a class on anger management. Who knows, maybe there you can flirt with like-minded people and beat the shit out of each other at the first sign of trouble. Then again, maybe it is Canadian men.

Camilla is a trade support analyst with Smith Barney in New York City. She has reaped a windfall recently with her investment portfolio. She claims to be worth over 45 million dead presidents. Suddenly, with her newfound wealth, she finds it hard to flirt with men. She is not sure why.

"Maybe they are uncomfortable being around such a successful woman," she guessed. "They might be intimidated by all my money or it makes them feel less than a man…. I don't know."

We know. Flirting is hardly about dollars and cents. Camilla is the type that makes sure the man she is flirting with knows exactly how much more loot she got than he. Men are unresponsive not because they are intimated, but because it is very off-putting to flaunt and flash wealth. In fact, it belies a poverty mentality that surely is not conducive to good flirting.


Harry from Lyman, Utah is dead. Consequently, he has a lot of trouble flirting since the only thing left of him is a skull and a surprisingly good set of porcelain white teeth, the result of a lifetime of good oral maintenance.

You cannot flirt if you are dead. So, if you are one of the walking wounded steadily counting down the hours to your ultimate demise, you are missing the wide wonderful world of flirting.

Remember nobody goes to the grave wishing he or she had worked more.

You are not dead yet. As we like to say Carpe flirt, which roughly translates to “Seize the Flirt.”

harry skull


Othello is an engineer in Cranberry, Pennsylvania, who makes mine safety appliances such as gas masks and oxygen tank systems. According to Othello, he has a notorious time flirting with women primarily because he believes they are all covered with germs.

“I love women and I wish I could flirt well enough to get a relationship going,” Othello confided to, “But, man, who knows where those lips have been. Ah…”

Othello needs to experience life outside his “Bio-bubble” and realize that to some degree, we are all germs–that is forms of life made of DNA and all that stuff we never learned in chemistry class. Flirting is not about sterilizing fun, rather making fun contagious. Othello needs to buy some hand cleaner and go flirt.


Kenny is a truck driver in Youngstown, OH. He is looking for a ‘book smart’ gal who is perhaps interested in obtaining her master’s degree.  He never even made it out of the tenth grade.  He simply likes the idea of calling “some chick a master.”

“I am into that kind of domination,” he told

Well, he should lower his standards a bit and start somewhere where he might have more in common with the women he flirts with – like at the circus. 

Brenda in Boston gets a little too worked up when she goes out on a date.  Compounding her problem is the Hubble Space Telescope she wears on her eyes.

“I never have luck meeting a nice guy,” she told  “The last date I was on, I dropped my glasses and the guy shouted ‘Hey, the Russians shot down the Hubble.’  That really hurt my feelings.”

The Russians shot down the Hubble!  Is she serious?

Paula from Allentown loves a guy that likes to bowl.  However, it doesn’t end at the lane. She carries her bowling ball around with her everywhere she goes and does not sleep without it.

“My bowling ball is like one of the all-seeing orbs from the "Lord Of The Rings" movies.  I will not go anywhere without it.”

Then she will not go anywhere flirting.  Did her ball tell her that?

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