With Disaster Stories - Flirting.com pg 6 (next
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Sandra is a demure project assistant in Reston, Virginia by day
and a voracious dominatrix by night. She finds it incredibly
difficult to fight her instincts to subjugate a man when flirting.
Pictured here, we fixed her up with a man to see first hand
how we might help her. In a matter of seconds, she was choking
our guinea pig with his tie.
“I do like normal men too,” she said. “It’s
just that I want to punish them physically.”
Hmm, our advice to Sandra was to save the chains, whips and
handcuffs exclusively for men into such medieval forms of recreation.
Flirting is about respecting the Geneva Convention. If it’s
something you couldn’t get away with at Guantanamo Bay,
then save it for later.
Sarah is pursuing a post graduate degree in anatomy at Duke
University. Her problem is that she not only looks at a lot
of things under a microscope, she tends to look at men the same
way. She is confounded that she has no luck flirting because
she believes (quite correctly) she is reasonably attractive.
“It’s in my nature to look at things closely,”
she confessed. “I am interested in looking up close at
a man’s hair follicles to see what kind of microbes might
be in there. It tells me a lot about that man.”
Our advice is for Sarah to put the magnifying glass down and
step back. Most times men look better when you look at the big
picture. If you want a better look at what’s in his beard,
give him a kiss.
Kirk is a computational genius at the University
of Michigan and plans to pursue a PhD in organizational network
theory. His problem is he is incredibly nerdy and attacks anyone
that points it out to him.
“Why does it matter how I dress,” Kirk said, pounding
his fist into his palm. “I am too busy learning to pay
attention to the latest fashions.”
Kirk obviously has a short fuse when it comes to his shortcomings.
If you find yourself boiling with rage when your flirting advances
are unrequited, then flirting might not be the thing for you.
You see flirting is about failure, but good failure. Every so
often you score and that makes up for the rest of the times
you strike out. As for fashion, it should go without saying
that this is a cornerstone of successful flirting. Kirk might
be smart, but nobody wants to flirt with nerd.
Henrietta is an inside account
executive in Evergreen, Colo. She loves to flirt online but
claims she has no luck flirting with real life flesh and blood
men. She claims she is in love with her computer since it not
only balances her check book but provides an outlet for her
sexual needs as well. It does everything except make toast bread,
she told us.
“I would like to flirt and meet real men,” she
told Flirting.com, “but my computer will never let me
down. It will never disappoint. It is always there for me.”
Henrietta needs to remember that she is flesh and blood too.
The advice goes to all, don’t get hooked on your computer.
Sending flirtatious instant messages to strangers on the internet
can never be a substitute for the real thing. Unhook your computer
and plug into the real world. And, a computer will never be
able to toast your buns like a real man.
Valerie is a pharmacist in Plano, Texas
and is mad as hell that of all her previously single girlfriends,
only she has yet to be invited to the altar. She has made marriage
a goal by which to reach by the time she turns 30 and she is
29. She has identified flirting as an essential skill necessary
for her to reach the stage of matrimony. So, the clock is ticking.
“I want a man now,” she said, sternly. “I
want him to know he can do me, but he must marry me too. I am
a wife in waiting who will make his dreams come true if he makes
Clearly we can surmise from her picture she overdoes her suggestive
outfit for flirting. Not wearing any pants or top, let alone
any undergarments. It is too suggestive, like she is ripe fruit
ready to be picked. The veil is too much also.
Flirting is about endless possibilities with anybody. It is
about letting fate work its magic. Since she is pharmacist,
our suggestion is to write a prescription for some chill pills
and forget her unrealistic goals, which make flirting a chore
(a huge no-no) rather than something fun to do.
Kevin is an office manager
in Hartford, Conn., and usually flirts well, very well. However,
his problems start when the flirting escalates to the point
he finds himself alone with a woman and, smitten, she begins
taking off her clothes. He is petrified of the naked female
body. We captured the picture above after showing Kevin a picture
of a woman’s naked breast.
“I do very well flirting,” he told us. “However,
when I see a little boob I am suddenly the 40-year-old virgin.”
Relax Kevin. Naked women are not to be feared, unless of course
they are Amazons. You just need to get acclimated. Our advice
to you is visit a couple adult personal sites online and you
will find thousands of images of scantily clad women and yes,
even their, boobs. Now that you are familiar, time to learn
how they feel. You are on your own there Kevin.
Bob is a business analyst in
Norwalk, Conn., who has difficulty flirting with women because
he suspects he is too needy for most women.
“Women at first seem smitten with my babyish like disposition,”
he said, “but, I think they get worried when they realize
it is not an act. I mean I like pacifiers and I like to wear
diapers. I am into that… Do you think maybe women feel
uncomfortable with that Flirting.com?”
Duh, do you think! The sad truth is Bob is going to have difficulty
finding any normal woman to go “ga-ga-goo” over
him. If he is into such extreme fetishes, he should start with
a venue where he can meet others that share his oddball desires
and no, not a day care. He is best advised to find some kind
of adult group online that is into being pampered or wearing
pampers. There is a difference between a flirt and freak, and
Bob is a freak.
Cory from Rochester, New York, is looking for a career-minded
successful woman to share life with him. He has identified flirting
as an ideal method to meet a woman that fits this bill.
At first, when we read his profile, we were hard pressed to
figure out what his flirting challenges might be. He seemed
reasonably well grounded. But ah, we finally noticed the occupation
line on our form: he listed “guy in chicken suit”
as his job. That’s right, Cory works in a chicken suit
all day long promoting fried chicken specials for a Chic Fillet
at a mall.
“I usually flirt with the cute ones by approaching them
while they might be sitting or talking,” he said, “and
then I start ‘bok-bok-boking’ at them… Usually
they run or get up and move.”
Cory’s problem is not that he is a chicken but that he
is a chicken flirting with his head cut off. Our advice to Cory
and other clowns (literally) out there is simple: save the costume
for later. You’re best chances to flirt will be built
upon establishing that you are somewhat normal, which means
non-threatening to a woman. After all, most women find it hard
to flirt with a large pecker; then again?
Tom from Culver
City, Colorado is so eager to get married he has identified
flirting as the best way to make that happen. However,
not one for subtle hints, he wears a wedding gown when he flirts
to show that he is the marrying type.
“I guess women don’t like to get married nowadays,”
Tom shrugged, at a loss to explain his repeated flirting failures.
We won’t even say a word on this guy, not one freaking
word. When it comes to flirting, the less freakish the
Helen from Hershey, PA loves
a man that is into “oral.” She is very aggressive
when it comes to finding a sex partner and has identified flirting
as the best way to meet the demands of her voracious sexual
“I think men are intimidated by my forwardness,”
she told us, and was not afraid to admit it. “Also,
when they ask for directions to my house, I tell them they have
to ‘travel the Hershey Highway.’ At
this point, they usually leave. Why? I am attractive!”
We suggest she move from the Hershey Highway. It could
be us, but it just might be grossing out most guys. After
all, men like beer not chocolate.
Sister Vera, as she is so called, is not really a Nun.
Vera in Chicago simply likes
to dress like one, because as a devout Catholic she maintains
crushes on priestly types.
“I guess it could be my age that turns men off,”
she told us. “I mean I am sure there are others
out there that enjoy my passion for religion.”
Yes, there are many in this religious category. However,
only a very special man will be interested in your perverse
religiosity (presumably one with his own tube of Oral-B).
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