With Disaster Stories - Flirting.com pg 7 (next page)
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Emily, from Durham, North Carolina, loves
flowers and works as a florist. She says she has a terrible
time flirting with anybody that comes into her store, because
they are usually taken aback by the flowers rubber-cemented
to her face.
What a shame, we say. Emily is quite a pretty girl, but gluing
flowers to your face won't attract any men, unless, of course,
they are specialists in clinical psychiatry.
Bob, from Helena, Montana, is a
notoriously bad flirt, so he claims. He says that woman just
don't seem to warm up to his "right to bear arms"
mentality and outdoor tax-protesting lifestyle. Plus, he is
really, really, really paranoid and thinks most women who flirt
with him are merely agents for the Government, only interested
in what he has in the five-gallon drums buried in his back yard.
For the record, it is nearly impossible to flirt while wearing
"camo." After analyzing Bob's pathetic flirting skills,
we suggest he could make a switch to "hunter's orange."
If anything, at least the Government will be able to see him
Toby from Benton, AR, is a stoner and this often results
in having his friends cut his hair, while stoned. You can
see the end result in Toby's photo. Naturally, he has little
luck flirting because only a dweeb would let someone cut his
hair like this.
"My buddy was so stoned the last time he cut my hair,"
he laughed, "he forgot to finish. I didn't even notice
until I showed up at my job at Blockbuster Video the next
day. They shit-canned me. I didn't care; Netflix was putting
them out of business anyway."
Smoke another one, dude!
The point here is you have to be cognisant to flirt well.
A clear mind is the key to good flirting. Drug users like
Toby are notoriously poor flirts, unless they are flirting
with other drug users. So if you do drugs and want to flirt
with normal people, quit doing drugs. Other areas of your
life are bound to improve as well.
Jack, is an investment consultant
in Richmond, VA, and boasts a voracious and hearty appetite.
He will often consume whole rotisserie chickens while conducting
business on the phone and think nothing of it. It should come
as no surprise he has bad luck flirting with anyone, except
for maybe, Colonel Sanders' sister or something.
The practical advice here is don't "eat like a pig"
when you are flirting. In fact, when possible, refrain from
eating at all, this advice especially goes for men. Now, women
can often get away with eating a sensual type food when flirting,
such as chocolate dipped strawberries or even bobbing seductively
on lollipops. However, please, only women on these ones.
Molly Sue from Benton, Arkansas,
loves to play up the Southern Belle image, but here she overdoes
it by cupping her enormous boobs and walking around with her
bikini strings undone. Yes, it can be charming when a gal plays
up the southern charm for all it is worth. After all, what guy
does not like a well-rounded set of knockers?
However, Molly Sue looks like she just pulled a train with
Bo and Luke Duke, at the same time, while Cooter filmed the
whole thing. Maybe she did, but in our advice, her confederate
bikini and cowboy hat is too much if she wants to play the flirting
game with anyone but a redneck.
Candice is a self-described "voracious mama" that
simply can't find a man that can handle all three-hundred
plus pounds of her love, or one that has the "massive
credentials" she demands.
"It takes a large man to hit my buttons if you know
what I mean," she said, "tiny weenies need not apply."
Candice is candid and that is about her best quality.
She is simply too demanding and picky for a women of her bodice
appeal. So, maybe she might forgive a little smallness
on his part. After all, we are sure he doesn't want
to use a fork lift to find her vagina, too. Do not be
overly picky when you are flirting.
Tom is a complete dufus and lives in Greenville, South Carolina. Amongst many issues, he walks around all day picturing an imaginary light bulb floating over his bald head.
"When I think about things," he said, "I look up and smile. I am taken away to an imaginary place. Women seem put off by this trait."
Ya think? Women like men grounded in reality. If you're just sitting there looking at stuff floating over your head that raises a big psycho flag. You never want the psycho flag flying while you're flirting.
Todd is a TV addict and never gets away from his HD TV to
go flirt. He dreams about flirting and watches a lot
of shows where flirting actually happens but, alas, he never
gets to do it for real. He is the proverbial couch potato.
"Wow," he told Flirting.com. "Amazing
that there are that many pretty girls out there....
I am glad I can see them in such amazing quality with my high-def
plasma TV.... They sure look better than they did on
my old crappy TV."
Todd, one piece of advice: you can't screw your TV.
Well, we don't know... Maybe you can nowadays.
Our advice to all couch potatos: put the remote down. Get
out and flirt in the highest definition possible: the real
Martha, from St. Louis, Missouri,
looks extremely uncomfortable in her leather cat mask. Yes,
she claims to want to heat things up a bit when it comes time
to pulling the shades down, but she clearly miscalculates when
she approaches men donning such an outfit.
Luckily, a cat has nine lives. Although Martha clearly burned
one of them here, she still has time to learn that the face
must remain highly visible at all times to be a good flirt.
She can save the meowing for a time after her feline flirting
reels in a cool cat.
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