Flirting With Disaster
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Flirting With Disaster Stories - pg 9 (next page)
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Rick is an adult who is so in love with the movie "Toy Story" that he acts out the character of the cowboy toy, 'Woody' (played by the voice of Tom Hanks).

"I like the image of a true cowboy when it comes to flirting and I think women do too," he told  "However, it never seems to work out that way for me."

Rick needs to understand that "Toy Story" is simply that and nothing more, it is a story about toys.  If he wants to flirt successfully, he should join us in the real world of adults.  Plus, we don't recall the cowboy in "Toy Story" being a slob and wearing a 'wife beater'.  It seems Rick has more issues than simply living in a cartoon world. 

Joe is bookish, smart, and makes a decent buck as a financial planner in Tallahassee, Florida.  However, his disturbing glare causes women to run away.   He can't help it, it's simply the way he looks.

"I guess I just frighten women, and there's nothing I can do about it," he told

Joe could tone down those Manson lamps by backing up a pace or two.  He could wear glasses, too.  (He could also be a real killer and have people buried in the back yard in fifty-five gallon drums.)  Look at him, he looks like a psycho.  We wouldn't put it past him, would you? 

Troy parties hard in Cincinnati, Ohio, and loves to go out and boogie on the dance floor with a beer in his hand.  He is a flighty and whimsical drunk and when he dances while he drinks he's usually splish-splashing his beer all over anybody within a ten-foot radius of his moving parts.

"Hey, when I drink I dance," he said, belching, "that's better than drinking and driving."

Anything is better than drinking and driving, Troy.  If he wants any chance at flirting, he needs to tone down the dancing and tone up the sobriety.  Nobody wants to flirt with a whirling drunk, nor should they have to. 


Pete makes all sorts of goofy faces when he sees stuff he doesn't like.  Naturally, he's single and has no luck flirting.  He lives with his cat in Queens, New York, and is thinking of 'going gay' for a while, to see if his problem is just women.

"I don't know why women don't appreciate men with refined sensibilities like mine," he said, shrugging.  "Hey, their loss... I'll just 'go gay' and show them."

Somehow Pete we don't think the flirting market will suffer if you suddenly 'go gay'.  Moreover, we are not sure how Pete's annoying habits wouldn't just annoy the hell out of gay men as well.   Perhaps he will affect the market after all. He might just scare some gay men straight. 

Janice is a fruit cake that has been stood up at the altar so many times, she simply wears her wedding dress when she goes out, to save her the trouble of putting it on for the next would be suitor. 

"I have recited so many wedding lines I can't see straight," she said, literally.

Janice is a nut job and is best left long before one hears wedding bells.  Never approach flirting with a marriage ultimatum or any other ultimatum for that matter.  You're just setting yourself up to be stood up at the altar.  You don't want that, nor do you need it.  Leave it to real dingbats like Janice. 

Cheryl is a lawyer in Boston, MA, has what she describes as an extreme job and has extreme devotion to it also.  She often simply sleeps on her desk.

"I work over 90 hours a week," she said.  "Men need to understand that I have about five minutes each week to flirt and that's even pushing it.  We have to squeeze everything in during those five minutes.

You never have to squeeze anything in when flirting.  The point is, busy bodies make for poor flirts because they're always on the go and can't stop even for the little nuances that make flirting so much fun.  The only time sleeping on her desk would be okay in our book is if the guy she was flirting with got up early and left. 

Richard from Tampa Bay, Florida, is always confused - about life, about his career, about whether to bag it with paper or plastic.  He's particularly confounded by modern technology.

"I have a Blackberry but I can't figure out the damn thing," he said.  "It's all so confusing.  So is flirting.  I mean, where to you start?"

You start by acting like you know the game.  Women don't want a befuddled male for a flirt or dating companion.  Figure out your Blackberry and take it form there. 



Garret in Davenport, Iowa, loves over-sized drinks and gets absolutely trashed off just one super duper apple martini.  Women accuse him of heavy drinking, at which point he gets very angry. 

"Hey, I only have one drink when we go out," he confessed to  "What's the big deal?"

The big deal is you are fudging the truth when it comes to alcohol.  Yes, you only had one but your one drink has over a half bottle of Grey Goose in it.  It is like eating Cheerios with a snow shovel.  Women don't fall for such tricks and fuzzy thinking.  Get into rehab right now Garret, or if not then at least drink something smaller and little more manlier than an apple martini.

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